EP91: Weaponized Incompetence — How It Damages Marriage and Parenting

Weaponized incompetence isn’t about chores. It’s about power, responsibility, and emotional load inside a family system. In this episode, I unpack the psychology behind avoidance patterns — why some men underperform at home, how it becomes neurologically reinforced, and why it slowly erodes respect in a marriage. More importantly, we explore how this dynamic affects children. Because your marriage is your child’s blueprint. In This Episode, I Cover: The science of avoidance conditioning and ego protection How “I don’t know how” becomes a reward loop The nervous system patterns behind withdrawal and underperformance Why parent–child dynamics inside marriage kill attraction How chronic imbalance builds resentment The hidden impact on children’s future relationship models How This Affects Marriage Shifts the relationship from adult ↔ adult to parent ↔ dependent Erodes respect and attraction Increases resentment and emotional withdrawal Creates imbalance in mental and emotional labor How This Affects Parenting Models unequal responsibility to children Reinforces gendered burden patterns Overloads one parent’s nervous system Undermines unified, team-based parenting Children don’t learn partnership from what you say. They learn it from what you model. Key Takeaway Weaponized incompetence is not about capability. It’s about ownership. And when responsibility is shared clearly and consistently, respect returns, emotional safety increases, and children witness healthy partnership. If this episode resonated, share it with someone who needs this conversation. For structured, research-informed support in rebuilding partnership and balance at home, explore my Couple Wellness work at sharanyav.com.